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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?